In Lebanon

CBS News

2007-03-20T05:05:00.000-07:00

I was shocked to see CBS News on television this morning. "What's going on?" I thought, before I realized that MBC4 broadcasts all of the major American news shows during the day. It was a bit disorienting.

Infijar?

2007-02-27T14:58:00.000-08:00

I watched "The Queen" this evening. It's an excellent film that was appreciated by a theatre audience of 4. However, like a typical Lebanese screening experience, the other two people watching the film alongside my friend and me made their presence known (by talking during dramatically quiet moments).

There couple walked in after the film began. The film doesn't specifically depict Princess Diana's car crash and only mentions once that she was in an "accident," but the couple missed that anyway.

The couple saw mourners flocking to Buckingham Palace and placing items in remembrance of Diana. In complete seriousness, the late arriving man asked, "Shu? Infijar?"

It's quite interesting to see an entirely British film in a different cultural context. And yet, many of the traits the British people expressed after Diana's death are familiar to Lebanese given the responses to all of the assassinations. However, the man's statement still seems funny to me, nonetheless.

The Dangers of Diet Pepsi

2007-02-17T13:09:00.000-08:00

I guzzle Diet Pepsi like an SUV on stuck in traffic.

My parents had a number of chats about this with me while I was staying with them this summer.

At first, I got a few comments like, "That's a lot of Diet Pepsi you're drinking." Then, I got a few stares from my mother when I bought a few liters at the grocery store.

Then, my mother or father would find empty bottles of Diet Pepsi in the kitchen trash can, and in the trash can next to the computer. Their concern transformed into a few short chats.

Then, there were a few longer talks about the negative health effects of carbonated beverages.

My father wasn't overly concerned at first, but then took issue after seeing the amount of the substance I consume. When they talked to me together, I could tell that they had discussed the subject in private with each other.

When describing this to a friend, he said, "That sounds like what parents do when they find out that their high school son smokes - finding cigarette packs in the trash and all."

Beirut Super Bowel

2007-02-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

I won't go as far as to say that this was the worst Super Bowl ever (as I did about the World Cup), but it was pretty bad.

Of course, like the 2006 World Cup, my team performed strongly at the beginning, and then collapsed. A fight almost began, but given that slamming one's head into the body of another is permitted in football, there was no shockingly violent surprise.

Normally, even when the Super Bowl game is not very good, one can rely on good friends, good beer, good environment, and good commercials to hold one over. Unfortunately, in Beirut we only had the former - Jamal and Ana Min Beirut.

We watched the game at Zaater w Zeit. There was no sound on any of the TVs. The Super Bowl commercials are not screened internationally, and Middle Eastern channels have such low ratings that they can't attract advertisers, so we got to watch "World Cup Fun Facts" and extremely long promotions for stupid comedy programs.

Some Lebanese Americans from Detroit added some fun to the viewing, but they left and were replaced by extremely annoying AUB PSP members.

Zaater w Zeit had no chicken, no turkey, no kafta, no lettuce, and no beer.

However, the late arrival of shady Lebanese guys and their Lebanese girlfriends dressed as Russian prostitutes - complete with wigs - did add to the entertainment and created an all around surreal Super Bowl experience.

From Warhol to Hilton

2007-01-24T05:59:00.000-08:00

Andy Warhol revolutionized the concept of the celebrity socialite. He made fame work for him - a fame that pulled him from his Pittsburgh, working class, Czech roots to the top of social circles. He branded every product brought to him. He used capitalism to his benefit, while critiquing and commenting on it.

Now, we have Paris Hilton who is exploiting capitalism for her own purposes without adding anything.

Both Hilton and Warhol exploit/ed our obsession with moving pictures of beautiful people. Unlike others who regularly appear in front of the camera, Hilton and Warhol realized the power of the medium.

Constructing a teleology that connects Warhol to Hilton to then explain the degradation of society is a simplistic, unhelpful, and entirely ridiculous. Warhol used his power in a different way than Hilton. It says something about the individual, not about the consuming society.

Both Warhol and Hilton brilliantly exploit the medium to empower themselves. It's the same thing everyone does in a free society. And as with everything else, it's up to them to choose what they will do with their power.

Hopefully, other creative people will find a way to use star power for unique production. I tend to think Warhol's contributions were positive, but that's arguable. Regardless of your position, he provided a new way of thinking about culture, and there is currently a space available for a social critic who epitomizes that which he criticizes.

Meshaal and Abu Mazen

2007-01-22T14:55:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or are these guys a bit chunkier than usual?

Too Much New Order

2007-01-21T03:49:00.000-08:00

It's official. I've been listening to New Order and The Killers way too much.

According to iTunes, I've listened to New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle" 11 times. The other songs come up at 9.

The Killers range between 16 and 20 times, with "Mr. Brightside" and "Smile Like You Mean It" tieing for first place.

At least, they pulled me away from my Ferry Corsten and Tiesto binge. "Fire" is the top Corsten track, while "Do What You Want" and "Moonlight Party" are tied for first from Tiesto. Robbie Williams was in there, too, but not nearly as much.

Corsten and Tiesto pulled me out of my T.I. and Mase obsession.

You're Too Interesting

2007-01-19T04:38:00.000-08:00

A guy I've met on only two occassions (both at bars) hit the nail on the head.

Last night he said, "You're too interesting. Every time we go out, everyone sits and talks and we have these incredible conversations. But then we don't get to hit on girls."

That, in fact, is the story of my life.

Hassan has summarily banned me from talking about politics whenever we're in public. Talking in the car is fine, but no more talking about politics in pubs and nightclubs. He made the rule after nearly two years of spending every night having fantastic conversations instead of working the crowd.

Imam Ali

2007-01-06T05:56:00.000-08:00

A question I used to ask young, politically active Shia men is:

Who killed Imam Ali?

The ones who are sectarian, but not religious, often answer, "Muawiya." Their religious comrades shake their heads, and remind them that Ali was killed by a Kharijite (khawarij).

I'm not religious, but I think knowing the history of one's faith is important in Lebanon's excessively sectarian environment.

David Ben Gurion

2007-01-06T05:52:00.000-08:00

"Shmuel Liebowitz.
Hadassah Rosenburg.
David...
[fade to black, but before the next scene]
Ben Gurion."

My friend Ben and I broke out laughing after hearing Jeanine Garafolo speak these lines in "Wet, Hot American Summer." The film is about a Jewish summer camp, and Garafolo is the head couselor who is taking attendance.

We watched the film on an outdoor screen from our perch on a bench underneath a tree on the main quadrangle at the University of Chicago along with a few hundred students.

I was surprised that Ben and I were the only people who laughed at the line. I guffawed, actually, and way too loud. People stared and had no idea why the line caught us by surprise or why we would find it funny.

Ben said, "People don't know who Ben Gurion is." I refused to believe him, given that, if anywhere in America we would find a crowd of educated young people, it would be there.

I bet him that 4 out of 10 people would know who David Ben Gurion was. He said 1 if any. The loser would be forced to by the other a beer.

We walked around after the film asking people, "Do you know who David Ben Gurion is?"

Most of the people either responded, "No," or something like, "Is he the guy who lives on the 5th floor?"

My Palestinian friend, Mohanid, said, "Wasn't he that Zionist guy?"

I saw Carole, an ardent Israel supporter who had traveled many times to Israel. We asked the question. She stared at me and said, "Don't tell me. Don't tell me... Uhh... Uhh... He's got something to do with Israel, right?"

Defeated, I told Ben we should head to the pub. On the way in I asked one final person. The guy stopped, looked at us as if we were idiots, and said, "I'm Israeli. Of course, I know who he is."

Hariri Airport and Jordanian Arabic

2007-01-04T07:38:00.000-08:00

It was striking to see a unit of Italian Carbonieri going through security with me, and then eating at the airport cafes. They had to go through the same processes as me to enter and leave the country, even though they did so in uniform with UN berets in pockets.

---

I had forgotten about the way in which Jordanians communicate with one another. I start a sentence in Arabic, switch to English in the middle, switch back to Arabic, and use a French descriptive term in the process. The Jordanian with whom I'm speaking looks absolutely frazzled.

I have to speak in Arabic only, which is very, very difficult for me. I have to think a lot more because I'm not used to using Arabic terms for certain things. In fact, for a lot of things I only know the French or English words.

Maybe it's the holidays

2006-12-29T02:41:00.000-08:00

Gemmayze is packed to the brink with young mwn. I guessed that 2/3 of the people out on a recent night were young men. I put my hypothesis to the test, and it was basically accurate.

Most tables of 6 people had 4 men and 2 women. Bar stools were packed 3 men, 2 women, 3 men. The women were talking to each other.

Earlier in the evening, when planning a New Year's party with friends, I said a top notch party needed to have more women than men. The ratio needs to be around 60/40 for everyone to enjoy themselves. Men hate a party crowded with men, and women hate a party full of men. Women like being with women, and so do men.

And the more women, the less likely it is that the men will drink too much, fight, and vomit all over the place.

So, as we were leaving Gemmayze, I asked everyone - including the skeptical women who claimed they liked it when hordes of men harassed them at parties - to look at the faces of the people in the places 2/3 filled with men. Frowns all around. No one was smiling, male or female, as they sipped their drinks.

Can't Move in Gemmayze

2006-12-28T09:11:00.000-08:00

The pubs in Gemmayze are packed every night of the week. The Christmas/New Year's/Adha season coupled with the pact between political parties not to cause any trouble during the religious season has brought the foreign Lebanese back, and made the locals more willing to party.

The pubs will lose a few patrons in January, but business will still be good if the political situation doesn't further deteriorate. During the first week of the war, my friends and I were the only ones still going out. A week and a half into the war, though, the rest of Lebanon returned to their old partying habits.

New pubs keep opening up. Gauche Caviar is currently the most popular place on Gemmayze, but old establishments like Dragonfly, Torino, and Kayan are still packed beyond capacity. A recent night found every single pub on Gemmayze so packed it was physically impossible to get in any.

However, the rise of Gemmayze has meant the demise of Monnot. Long ago, Monnot stopped being hip and trendy. But now it's absolutely dead. The street formerly packed with cars and revelers is now easily maneuverable.

Being Frenchie and Doing Frenchie Things

2006-12-26T03:40:00.000-08:00

After spending months in the United States, I'd forgotten how Frenchie I am. What is most astonishing is that I forgot how Frenchie Lebanon is.

My memories of Lebanon were of araq, waraq anab, kibbeh nayeh, and traffic jams. On my return, the Frenchie-ness of Lebanon is most apparent.

First, there are too many dogs in Frenchie households. I may be a little bit Frenchie, but allergies separate me from those who enjoy sharing their households with animals. Frenchie fondness for pooches crosses sectarian lines. I was stunned to find a Bichon Frise in a somewhat religious Shia household. I thought I would be safe from histamines there, unlike the inflamed response that occured at the secular Shia and Christian abodes I frequent. I was wrong.

Second, my Christmas lunch started with foie gras. FOIE GRAS!!! And not just one kind, but two kinds: one imported from France, the other made by a Lebanese man who studied in France.

Third, my Christmas day dinner included only the following items: wine, cheeses, baguettes, and olives. As it was a Shia dinner, the olives were from Nabatieh and the baguettes were from Hamade. But every one of the nine cheeses came from France. The musical selection was a random mix of Fairouz, Marcel Khalife, Jacques Brel, and Edith Piaf.

I have yet to have a fully Lebanese meal, and I've been here a week!

Beard = Muslim Fundamentalist

2006-12-23T09:26:00.000-08:00

I'm being accosted for the hair that encircles my face.

A Syrian friend asked, "Are you becoming more religious?"

Another friend said, "Even though your hair is shaggy, your beard is too well trimmed for it to be a leftist beard. It looks like a religious one."

The waiter in the pub in which I write this, a waiter who knew that I drank just 7 months ago, just said, "You know, there is bacon on that sandwich. I'll have them take it off for you."

Most of my Muslim friends in Lebanon eat pork, particularly those who come to the establishment I'm in. Then again, they don't have beards.

I guess I do look religious in the Lebanese context.

Meme-enating

2006-12-07T16:34:00.000-08:00

Sandmonkey and Lisa made me aware of this:

Grab the book closest to you.
Open to page 123, scroll down to the 5th sentence
Post the text of next 3 sentences on your blog
Name of the book and the author
Tag 3 People

There was a bit of a dilemma. It is arguable that The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson is closer than my selection depending on which way I'm leaning. Then again, there aren't any periods in the poems on 123, so this somewhat disqualifies the work.

So, I had to go with:

Richard Rorty, Contingency, Irony, and Solidarity

On this reading, Derrida wants to undercut Heidegger as Heidegger undercut Nietzsche. Yet his project is continuous with Heidegger's in that he, too, wants to find words that get us "beyond" metaphysics - words which have force apart from us and display their own contingency.
Many of Derrida's admirers, notably Rodolphe Gasche, read his earlier work in this way.

Tag: Kodder, Mysterious Eve, Mustapha, Laila

I doubt most other Lebanese bloggers - Abu Kais, Tony, Caveman, Raja, Doha, and Hassan, speaking only of personal friends - would take part in this. I would tag Jamal, but he has an intense allergy to bound paper, and I would not want to put him in a precarious position.

Three Apologies

2006-11-30T19:07:00.000-08:00

As I approach my return to Lebanon, my guilty conscience has not ceased to remind itself of injustices commited to good people.

Two people have already received emotional apologies, but they weren't enough given the intensity of the offense.

Excuses are for other times. Regardless of the context, everything could have been avoided if I hadn't been so immature and had been more of an honorable man. I know I've grown to become a better person in this time, and wish for an end to hostilities, at the very least.

This is a time of remorse, and hope for the possibility of reconciliation whether or not deserved.

I still owe this person an apology, even though we've remained friends. He's one of the kindest, good-hearted, welcoming, and cheerful people I've ever met. He will be the kind of teacher students will remember shaped their lives and made them better people. He was always there when I was depressed, visiting me at home. He continually urged me to change my over-worked schedule and spend more time hanging out. His knowledge of films and popular music is unsurpassed. He's a fantastic person I really hope to spend a lot of time with him when I return.

This person - who had been a tremendous friend, colleague "metaphorically," and confidant - and I went to hell and back in the span of a few days. The kind of horrible intensity experienced is rarely, if ever, surpassed. Hours and hours and hours of discussion and apologies, but it was best to just not interact and let time settle. A friendship turned into a nightmare. I hope there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope we might come to an understanding that what happened was extreme and will never happen again. I hope we will be able to, at least, acknowledge each others' presences and allow our mutual friends to see us simultaneously.

This person and I got into a disgusting argument that just devolved and devolved and devolved to the point at which we now act as if we do not know each other. We had been very close friends in a close group, part of which went all the way back to high school in Jordan. This person meant a huge amount to me, and still does. She always has a big, bright smile. She is always trying to meet new people and introduce her friends to them. She is always trying to cheer her friends up when they are down using some of the techniques she learns in her classes. She is a bridge between East and West, blending the best of both worlds through her outgoing and cosmopolitan personality.
The worst part of the exchange was that it was about politics, and ended up in statements of horrible cruelty toward each other. I wish I had never said the things I did, and I wish we had never allowed the situation to reach the point at which it got. I know she doesn't read this blog, and I know we could just go our separate ways forever, but that wouldn't be the right thing. I just want her to know I wish that had never happened, that I still care for her, and that my memories of her are of the good times we had for the many years we were friends.

This makes me so sad.

I hope this is a step in the right direction.

Road Harassment?

2006-11-15T22:14:00.000-08:00

I was walking down Massachusetts Avenue with a friend today.

Suddenly, a zipping car with a shaggy haired lad wearing a fraternity t-shirt hanging out the window jerkingly stops at the intersection and the young man yells, "Hey, can you tell me how to get to the Middle East?" in a rather impolite way.

We were shocked. How did this guy identify me AFTER DARK! as someone from the region? Why would he ask such an odd question? What a strange form of harassment?

The brain works much faster than physical actions. As the cute blonde woman walking past us responded, "It's a block up on the right," we realized that the guy was referring to the restaurant down the street, and was asking for directions as an excuse to chat up the attractive woman passing right next to us as he shouted the question in our direction.

Lahme

2006-11-14T10:03:00.000-08:00

This is definitely one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. (Includes some offensive language).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILebWk6Xyj8

Missing Lebanon

2006-11-02T09:58:00.000-08:00

Talking on the phone just makes it worse.

I call thinking that I'll have a great conversation and then go on with my American life, but then I just miss it more.

Then, I get invited to go to the Ferry Corsten concert and the Julia Boutros concert, and I will have to miss both, even though I really want to go.

Ugh...

Jesusland

2006-10-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

I found this pretty funny. It reminded me of something Michael Totten once told me about the Northeast and the Northwest being culturally similar to Canadia.
But where's Hawaii?

Ali Nicknames

2006-09-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

So, when I was at AUB, I had so many friends named Ali that my friends and I came up with nicknames for them.

There was Ali Ohio, so named because he lived in Ohio.

There was Ali Cocaeena, so named because he lived in Colombia.

And there was Ali Ma-ree-wa-na, so named because he smoked a lot of hash.

Becoming a Marxist. Again? Or, is it becoming a conservative?

2006-09-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

Objects are fetishized. Repetitive work leads to social alienation.

Karl Marx pronounced upon these and other rather mundane observations. No one challenges these observations, as human experience proves them to be true. Marx assigning negative value to them and his proscriptions to counter them causes the academic turmoil and controversy surrounding his work.

Marx professed modernity, industrialization, and capitalism as detrimental to human good, yet modernity, industrialization, and X (being an undefined and untested system to replace capitalism) are his panacea for the problems of both the present and previous epochs.

Understandings of Marx's work are too often tainted by the practices of those claiming to be his disciples. The Soviets and Futurists fetishized industrialization, making it into a secular religion. Their totalitarianism caused more social alienation than the capitalist systems Marx critiqued. Furthermore, Marx's observations were more intellectually concise and grounded than his proscriptions for the troubles of society.

More and more, when looking at modern society, I find myself returning to the ideas of Marx and Adorno: we fetishize objects, we commodify knowledge, and, in doing so, we lose something. I disagree with Marx and Adorno as to what that something is and what we should do about it, but the critique is apt.

While Marx and Adorno look for an ideal that would allow us to rise above our imperfect past, conservatives see the problems of the present as a result of actions being taken in the present. Conservatives look to the past for ideas about how to create a better present and future. Their selective glimpses of the past are useful because they often choose not to aggrandize that which is regarded as heinous in the present - bigamy, bigotry, buggies, no electricity, no medical care - while supporting elements they believe were lost that they think would benefit society in the present: a sense of community, strength of family, values that favor group interest over personal interest, an understanding of the land, low crime rates, an understanding of one's enemies.

Once again, conservatives fail miserably in proscription.

Both, like me, seem to be trying to foster a kind of environment in which people feel free to create, express, and interact without the burdens of maladaptive behaviors, crime, major psychological burdens, and being forced to do things one does not want to do.

I was and am a cheerleader for globalization, but I'm worrying now about some of the issues late 90s Cassandra's pontificated about. We are overloaded with unifying information. We are able to easily move from location to location. We are creating polarized societies and a homogeny of ideas instead of a debate with diverse perspectives.

It worries me that professional sports are a harbinger of things to come (but I don't want to expand on this metaphor at the moment).

I'm worried that gone are the days when creative people in rural towns changed the lives of the people around them and created brilliant ideas that changed the entire world because of their uniqueness and nuance. The loss of languages and accents and regional differences and values is worrying to me. Our diversity allows humanity the ability to perpetuate itself. Good ideas can get locked into little corners while the rest of society abandons them, but then become rediscovered. Billions of people thinking about different issues from different perspectives allows a greater chance of coming up with ideas that fill the holes that we don't even know exists.

I don't know what I'm talking about any more, but I'm worried.

The Arabic Press

2006-09-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that Jihad el-Khazen wrote an article including "Yo Mama!" jokes. This is a new low for al Hayat.

Weird American Holiday Greetings

2006-09-04T18:26:00.000-07:00

It was Spring in Lebanon. I was paying little attention to the United States.

But Americans were paying attention to me.

I kept getting emails and e-cards telling me to have a happy Memorial Day. I even got these messages from Lebanese in the United States who don't have citizenship.

It struck me as very odd. They cared enough about me to send me the message, but why did everybody wish the same thing at the same time when they never had before?

I hadn't lived in the US for quite some time. I'd forgotten about the holiday, but in 2006 many Americans wanted me to celebrate the federal holiday on 29 May and to have a good time doing it.

Three things are awkward about this:

1. Memorial Day isn't a holiday in Lebanon
2. Lebanese bar-b-que everday, not just on three day weekends
3. Celebrating on a day of remembrance seems a bit obtuse

America is currently in a state of war, so federal holidays remembering war dead might be commemorated with more vigor than when the US is not in a state of war.

But no one made any comments about remembrance. They wanted me to have a good bar-b-que and day off work, neither of which applied to me.

It was very awkward. So awkward, in fact, that I write this on Labor Day, the federal holiday at the beginning of September that is America's version of May Day.

Charles Malik - new name

2006-08-11T16:54:00.000-07:00

I've changed my blogging name. lebanon.profile was just too generic.

Charles Malik was one of Lebanon's finest diplomats, philosophers, and professors. He was Lebanon's delegate to the founding of the United Nations in San Fransisco. He worked closely with Eleanor Roosevelt to draft the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

He studied under both Whitehead and Heidegger, although his studies with the latter were cut short because of his disgust of Nazi policies.

He was as an inspiring figure to both pan-Arabists and Lebanese nationalists. Although his politics distanced him from some towards the end of his life, he remained somone even Edward Said continued to look up to.

Malik is not without fault. His wartime activities as well as actions taken while Chairman of the Philosophy Department at the American University of Beirut made him many enemies.

I think choosing his name as my blogger profile will help recall an era in which Lebanese politicians were at the forefront of peace, diplomacy, and philosophy.

A note to Lebanese sectarians: the choice of Malik is not a sectarian one based upon his Christian activities, for instance, his serving as President of the World Council on Christian Education. Malik and I are not of the same sect.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

2006-07-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

Worst World Cup ever!

Tragically bad.

Tragic, tragic ending for Zidane.

I'm not going to watch football until 2010.

Loving and Leaving Lebanon

2006-07-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a long trip to the United States.

I had a wonderful and highly profitably trip there. New York is ever enticing, and it sunk its claws into me.

As most readers of this blog know, I've considered leaving Lebanon for quite some time. Often, my comments receive heavy criticism from the Perpetual Refugee - who plans to return to Lebanon after many years and experiences abroad, and receive an overabundance of support from Kodder - whose work visa cannot come quick enough.

After being away for so long, and now that leaving is becoming a reality, I'm seeing the country in a different and much more positive light.

My lunch at Julia's, my argile at Rawda, my strolls by the sea, viewing World Cup matches on rooftop bars, and more are all compared to a possible life abroad.

Lebanon offers an incredible amount in terms of culture and relaxation. One could not imagine a nicer place to vacation and have an absolutely, incredibly fun time.

However, this is a place where it's nearly impossible to enjoy life at the age of 24. It's nearly impossible to enjoy a permanent Lebanese life without a villa, wasta, and enough money to travel frequently. It's impossible to escape the oppression of Lebanese politics and society.

Being perfect, hardworking, honest, and a good person means a major struggle, a hard existence, and daily humiliation. It also means that one can sit atop the heap almost anywhere else.

Lebanese accoutrements are the best in the world. But one does not live off of frills.

Living a Life of Danger

2006-06-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

I live life dangerously on the edge.

I do things other people shudder just thinking of them. Others can't even imagine what it's like to do some of these things.

I'll illuminate them here:

I eat raw shellfish. Oh, yeah. And I eat raw shellfish often. And directly from the ocean. You know, eating an oyster out of its shell while it's still alive. Yeah. I do that.

I eat raw meat, liver, fish, assorted aquatic wildlife, and other items regularly. I'm not as bad as Sahar's aunt who must eat kibbe naye every week (and every day during Ramadan, or else she cannot fast), but I eat it often.

I jaywalk.

I walk across grates on the sidewalk. That's very dangerous, especially in Lebanon.

I'm a dangerous guy.

Connections to Lebanon

2006-06-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

The driver picked me up from the airport.

He asked, "Where you coming from?"

I said, "Lebanon."

He said, "Tell me. Is the St. George Hotel still there?"

Stunned, I said, "Yes, but it's not been repaired or renovated since the war. Are you Lebanese?"

He said, "No, no. I served in the US Navy and was sent to Lebanon in 1958. The whole 6th fleet was there. From the beach, it was battleships, boats, and aircraft carriers as far as the eye could see. We boarded the beach and there were all these women in bikinis all over and guys selling stuff. We didn't see any war going on. All we saw were people enjoying themselves. We couldn't tell who the enemy was. From our view, it didn't seem like there were any.
"I got one of those checkered things in a shopping district near the St. George."

We kept talking. He didn't seem to know anything about Lebanon post-1958. It was quite an interesting conversation.

Disparities

2006-06-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

The level of poverty, class disparity, and racial divisions in Washington, DC is shocking.

Cities like New York and Chicago have shunted the poor into areas unseen. San Fransisco came to a ridiculous solution of making their streets an outdoor museum of homelessness.

DC truly makes one confront the harsh realities of abandoned populations.

Dodging Bullets

2006-06-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

You know you've spent way too much time in dodgy places when the people at the table next to you say, "dodging bullets," and you take it literally.

My mind immediately went into "exchange war stories" mode, and I wondered if they'd been were I'd been in the Middle East, Africa, the Americas...

They were talking about water cooler politics.

It's not just about this subject, though. Whenever I hear "Bush," "Iraq," "the campaign," "Geagea, Jumblatt, Hariri, Gemayel," "Lebanon," etc. I feel like entering the conversation. Normally, I don't because it would be rude and pointless. But "dodging bullets" showed me something about myself. I took them literally...

Loving Lebanon, Loving Creation

2006-06-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

I recently sent this to Lebanese blogger Hassan:

"I was talking to my friend The Egyptian Observer about why I want to move to the US. It wasn't about being tired of Lebanese society or the work environment or any of the normal things. It was much more about social life and the ability to consistently meet fun and new people who steer your life in interesting, new directions. I like being able to get a few numbers in a day instead of a few numbers in a blue moon. I like it when old men in book stores just start telling me about bookbinding in the 1950s and the particulars of book collecting."

Communal gathering is the lifeblood of civilization. People must interact with each other to compete and exchange ideas, which then push society to greater heights.

Some cities, like Washington, DC, are hotbathes of gathering to the point where a handshake means nothing. In Lebanon, the opposite is true. One does not constantly meet new people. One constantly reinforces one's old relations and old habits without confronting new challenges. The debate doesn't change from within.

Lebanese society is kept afloat through importing ideas and concepts to Lebanon, and then exporting those concepts to oil wells. Lebanese are the great middlemen of the world.

But I want to be at the site of creation. I want to create.

Pope at Auschwitz

2006-05-29T15:09:00.000-07:00

Pope Benedict XVI spoke after walking alone at Auschwitz. His remarks are astoundingly candid:

"To speak in this place of horror, in this place where unprecedented mass crimes were committed against God and man, is almost impossible — and it is particularly difficult and troubling for a Christian, for a pope from Germany," he said.
...
"In a place like this, words fail; in the end, there can be only a dread silence, a silence which itself is a heartfelt cry to God: Why, Lord, did you remain silent? How could you tolerate all this?"
...
The Pope placed a candle before the wall where camp officials executed prisoners.

Hating Lebanon

2006-05-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

Wissam said, "Everyone loves Lebanon. Tourists come here and talk about the mountains, beaches, tourist sites, food, nightclubs. Foreigners live here and can't get enough. We hate it. You're not Lebanese unless you hate Lebanon."

I agreed. Completely. We engaged in a long, long conversation on the topic.

The problem with Lebanon is that it is infuriating. You can have a good time, but someone is always there to ruin the party. Wages are horrendous. There aren't jobs. Sexual repression makes you explode with rage because there's few other places in the world so outwardly sexual.

The vast majority of people under 30 want to leave, and the ones who can often do.

The problem is, when you leave, you miss the place so damn much. You start sounding like the excited foreign tourist. Nancy Ajram - whom you turn off while in Lebanon - becomes irresistable to listen to. You make sure to announce to people who don't care at all that a certain personality is Lebanese. You become excited just sitting on the MEA flight and hearing the airline theme music. You don't stop looking out the window as the plane descends. You try to make out your apartment, see where you plan to go that evening, note the new construction. The minute you land, you immediately turn on your phone and begin calling everyone you know (even though you're not supposed to. You also jump up from your seat before the plane has stopped moving to get your luggage out of the overhead bin).

But you don't have to be back too long for the anger to return. I thought one's best relationship with Lebanon is to spend, at most, seven discontiguous months a year here. Wissam said three weeks in the summer.

He noted that during his extended trip to the United States and Canada last year he didn't swear a single time and wasn't upset. In less than ten minutes upon arrival at the airport, on seeing the chaos at immigration, he swore.

A country cannot be a career, stable state of mind, independence, personally gratifying experience. We need to do something for ourselves and our world. We need to make both better. And Lebanon, sadly, is not the best place to accomplish either of those duties.

2006-05-27T15:09:00.001-07:00

I just got this text:

Are you Shiite? Miss call once for yes or twice for no.

I responded with two, but noted that it was because I'm not anything. I'm sect/religion-less.

I'm not offended or angered.

Often, it's seen as impolite to directly ask someone his religion, and many think it's bad, retrograde, evil, and stupid to do so. People will often respond to the question with a condescending rhetorical question, "Does it matter?", the reply to which is, "Obviously," the reply to which goes in one of two directions:

1) getting insulted for being sectarian (oh, the horror to be like everyone else in Lebanon and on the planet Earth), stupid, and "blind"

2) a long discussion on sectarianism in which everyone ends up agreeing, but believes in different solutions to the same problem.

I think religion, sect, gender, and identity are very important. I think it's important to know where people are from, their gender, their age, their religion, and how they identify themselves. You can't really know someone if you don't know what is and is not important to them?

Some call my views hypocritical in that I don't reveal my sect. Many friends have known me for years without knowing it, and I dodge the question. Only now am I starting to put myself into a box because everyone is forcing me.

I'm not religious. I was not raised in a way that makes me prejudiced against or in favor of any sect. Nothing about the way I was raised is sectarian. Sectarian issues were never there - not even a drop. My parents call all of our relatives crazy, so I disregarded almost everything they said.

I don't have a sect in my mind, therefore I don't think other people should put me in a sectarian category.

But I think that's important to understand about me, just as I think it's important to know what other people value.

Home

2006-05-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

"You have always seemed like someone whose home is everywhere and nowhere - a
true cosmopolitan."

This was recently said about me. It's true.

Overheard: "Bin Laden's Like Snoop Dogg"

2006-05-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

Me: [talking about a funny forward] In Lebanon, guys get in fights when other guys look at their girlfriends. They drive drunk to Zaatr w Zeit and then fight over parking spaces.

D: Man, Arabs are angry. Name one Arab country in which the people aren't angry.

Me: Uhhh... Morocco? Nope, they're angry there. Ahhhh, Oman!

T: SAUDI!

Everyone: What?!?!?!

Me: What about bin Laden?

T: Man, Saudis are lazy. Bin Laden thinks about stuff, but he doesn't actually do any of it. He just sits in his cave. Bin Laden's like Snoop Dogg. He talks big, but he just sits around chilling.

A: Yeah, man. Think about it. He's not carrying out the violence. He sits in his cave smoking drugs.

T: Yeah, he's got a big sign above he entrace: "Cave Ahla Wa Sahla."

Overheard: Phillip Seymour Hoffman

2006-05-25T15:09:00.000-07:00

This is just ridiculous.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman is one of the best actors alive. His performances are highly nuanced, regardless of the quality of the film.

I was stunned when I was asked today about the film "Capote." Few people know Hoffman's name, even though he won Best Actor at the Oscar's in 2006.

Today this guy said, "Phillip Seymour Hoffman? He's the bad guy in MI:III, right? I liked him. Is "Capote" good?"

The films aren't comparable, but if an actor can draw one audience to the other, the better the world becomes.

Representing Lebanon in Model UN

2006-05-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

In high school and college I was a Model UN delegate.

I had a knack for debating policy, which translated into many awards won on the MUN circuit. As such, I always had a position of prominence in team leadership.

Whenever signing up for a conference, we always had the opportunity to select countries. Sometimes, we signed up to represent more than one because we had a large number of students interested in attending the conference. Other times, we only represented one country.

As a team leader, I often got to choose at least one of the countries we would select. Obviously, I always selected Lebanon, and we normally got it.

Each time I was surprised that we got what we asked for. It was only recently that I realized that Lebanon is not a country in demand on the MUN circuit. The state has little to no power domestically or internationally. It's very difficult to get other countries to sign on to resolutions Lebanon sponsors. They normally drift towards the US, Russia, the UK, or France.

However, we always represented Lebanon extraordinarily well. Sometimes I wish a bunch of high school and university students were given the country's diplomatic portfolio.

Stray Balloons

2006-05-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

On three separate days this week I've seen stray metalic balloons rising into the sky.

I always feel saddened for the child who lost his possession, but it is so beautiful that it is worth the slight pain.

Architecture in Beirut

2006-05-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

Nicolai Ouroussoff, the architecture critic for the New York Times, has a piece in the Sunday Magazine on architecture in Beirut. He absolutely fawns over Bernard Khoury who, along with contemporary art gallery owner Andre Sfeir-Semlar, is remarkably arrogant (it goes with the professions, but they take it to another level).

The Times Magazine had a piece on clubbing and partying in Beirut this time last year.

The articles offer little for those of us familiar with architecture, restaurants, and nightclubs in Lebanon, but are excellent and thorough pieces on the state of artistic social culture in Lebanon today.

Millions of Americans are learning things about Lebanon most Lebanese do not know. Will the favor be returned in the Lebanese press? Nope.

The most interesting part of the piece is a description of a project Khoury built in the early 90s:

"with the civil war coming to a close 5,000 miles away in Beirut, Khoury began warming up to Woods's challenge, eventually creating a study of the process of demolition that he called Evolving Scars. His design showed a generic concrete slab building wrapped in two layers of glass. A giant mechanical arm tore away at the concrete core, scooping it out and depositing it inside the glass membrane. Evolving Scars suggested a city that was cannibalizing itself, even as it worked to rebuild. Architecture, it seemed to say, can as easily reopen wounds as contribute to collective amnesia by smoothing over difficult memories. It was a theme that began to obsess him, and he returned to it again and again in his first buildings in Beirut."

It's quite a fascinating concept.

Interestingly (okay, I'm now getting all Derrida self-reflective here), both Khoury and I (in this post as well as many others) have a tendency to deride Lebanon while working to rebuild it. There's a constant feeling that nothing is going right. We're angry. Everyone else is stupid and destroying the country. And yet, we keep fighting, and in the end, it all works. We universally agree that some things are just bad: politicians, quarrying, throwing garbage in the ocean, Forum de Beyrouthe, the ugly monstrosities that continue to go up along the Corniche that require the destruction of old, beautiful, historic houses. We agree on what is good: the development of Gemmayze, the small-scale developments between Sodeco and downtown, ABC Ashrafieh, De Prague.

Israeli Tourists in Lebanon

2006-05-22T15:09:00.001-07:00

I saw the Argentinian flag in the distance. The blue bars were a bit darker than in this picture, and the flag was waving in a way that made it difficult to see the center.

Even though flags for major World Cup teams are flying all over Lebanon, the group I was with all thought the same thing initially: "IS THAT HOTEL REALLY FLYING THE ISRAELI FLAG IN SOUTH LEBANON!!!!"

Well, it wasn't, but it was shocking.

I don't think going to Israel would be a big deal, but seeing Israelis, Israeli flags, and Israeli license plates in Lebanon is going a little bit too far (despite excellent posts recently by Lisa and PR). I wish it could happen. I wish Lebanon could be more like Cyprus. Sadly, it can't.

As I wrote in an earlier post, the war isn't over in Lebanon. We're still very angry with each other and very angry with our neighbors. People get mad when they see Lebanese Forces or Hezbollah flags. They get mad when they see Syrian license plates. Asking for acceptance of Israel RIGHT NOW is asking too much. I'm not even ready for it.

It's odd seeing Norwegian backpackers in Lebanon. We keep the Gulf tourists contained in little shopping malls filled with prostitutes, alcohol, food, and things to buy. We still think of this country as a hot zone. It is. Israeli tourists takes it to another level.

Once Lebanese are ready to put their weapons down, attitudes will begin to change. But we're just not ready to engage.

Suicide Bombing Does not Lead to Paradise

2006-05-19T03:09:00.000-07:00

I watched "Paradise Now" today. It's quite a disturbing film and provokes deeply personal conversations.

I was going to write about the film, but what happened afterward was far more interesting.

I returned home after the screening and see Hajj Abed.

Me: Ya Hajj. I just came back from a film.
Hajj Abed: Which cinema?
Me: ABC Ashrafieh. I saw "Paradise Now."
[He looks at me inquisitively. The word jenna (paradise) obviously peaked his interest.]
Me: It's about bombs, jihad.
Hajj Abed (irate): You think this is jihad? You think this is Islam? This will not take you to paradise. You will go to hell.

Commence 1 hour 45 minute lecture.

He began with Khalifa Omar and went all the way to the angel Jibreel and Judgement Day. The Quran was taken out of the drawer, but only so I could follow along as he quoted from memory.

He quickly realizes that I agree with him completely; that I'm no advocate of suicide bombing and terrorism. He's surprised to hear me respond with answers to his questions about the fitna that created the separation of Sunni and Shia, noting that most people who claim to be devoutly religious don't know the history they too often quote.

He begins criticizing divisions among the Arabs, but unlike most other Sunni commentators, he blames Arabs for killing each other long before the creation of Israel. He doesn't blame the British or colonialism (which is quite popular in my neighborhood. Antun Saade lived a few blocks away from my house). He notes that Arabs killed King Faisal's army, that Abdelaziz crushed greater Arabism, that Syrians killed King Abdallah, and that Iraqis dragged King Faisal II's body through the streets of Baghdad all without any British intervention, and all before the creation of Israel.

He sees me nodding my head.

He goes on, saying that the land of Israel belongs to Jews because they controlled it five thousand years ago. He said, "Palestinians have paper proving they own the land. Jews have books and archaeology."

I contest his point saying that communities should not be annihilated based on ancient property claims. To do so creates a ridiculous precedent in which those claiming Native American or Phoenician or Roman or early semitic or or Mesopotamian or Persian ancestry make claims on other communities.

He jumps on the Persian bit noting that Iran's pursuit of nuclear weapons is not to counter America. It's for regional control. Like the greater Syria advocates, pan-Arabists, and greater Zionists, the Iranians have a desire to restore Persian and Shia grandeur. They first want the "Persian" (not Arabian) Gulf and then will continue. He noted Hezbollah's strengths, which helps Iran tighten the noose from multiple poles.

He returns to Islam and how it is truly a religion of peace. He has been on the hajj six times and says each time it affirms his belief that we must make peace with Israel.

He argues that the only thing one must do in life is love God and learn, which is why he sent all his children off to get PhDs.

He says he cannot tell most people on the street in Lebanon what he believes because they will call him an idiot and pro-Israel. A neighbor walks by and waves. Hajj notes, "This man is Qawmy [Syrian National Socialist]. I cannot talk to him about such things." He says he is telling me because I actually know the history and read and think about these things.

He says the only way to paradise is through peaceful learning, and he is glad that I am not one of the many passionate youth on the streets of Arab countries crying out for muqawama [resistance] and murder.

He noted that Hariri and Prime Minister Saniora are good men with peaceful hearts, and that our duty is to push for peace constantly.

It was a surreal conversation. I had no idea Hajj thought the way he does. In fact, nobody knows because he doesn't tell anyone. He simply urges people to be good Muslims, promote peace, and learn. He refuses to let people use language of violence and racism in his presence, and he's always willing to provide anyone with help and assistance.

He's truly a remarkable and learned person.

I'm still surprised.

Food does not Rhyme with Wood

2006-05-18T15:09:00.000-07:00

Oh, the joys of Lebanese English.

In Lebanon, if you pronounce something in English, but not in the proper Lebanese way, your interlocutor will not understand.

For example, "Bedy [I want] Red Bull, vodka?"
Waiter's response: Lack of comprehension.

Proper way to phrase it: "Sori, Rred Bool, vode-Ka, pleaz?"

It's not hamburger, it's homboorghoor.

In English, the word Movenpick is pronounced Mo-ven-pick, with approximately equal emphasis. In Lebanese English, it's either Mo-VENNN-pick with emphasis on the second syllable, or Mo-ven-peeeek.

None of this is irksome. The pronounciation of the word FOOD is.

A number of Lebanese much more comfortable conversing in Arabic than in English or French, commonly throw in the English word FOOD. Jumping between languages is the norm, not the exception in Lebanon. I normally say that everyone in Lebanon has a dominant, secondary, and tertiary language. Very few Lebanese are conversant in all three languages, and even fewer can write in all three (one of those remarkable exceptions fluent in all three is CG, who blogs with me at LPJ). Often, people will speak Arabic fluently, can get by in English, and know a few words in French. Others speak French fluenty, can do pretty well in Arabic, and pause a lot when speaking English. I speak very quickly and fluently in English, throw French words in all the time, and - in conversation - respond to things said in Arabic with English or French. I normally have a lot to say, and it becomes too burdensome to say them properly and quickly in Arabic with all of the nuances, etc.

Back to FOOD.

People speaking Arabic, but throwing in the English word FOOD , often pronounce it as if it rhymes with should, could, would, or wood, when in fact, it rhymes with lewd, dude, rude, or wooed.

It irks me, especially because it happens on a weekly basis and all of these people watch MBC 2 and 4 and hear the word pronounced correctly repeatedly.

On "History Repeats Itself"

2006-05-17T03:09:00.000-07:00

I’m about to offend a lot of people, but I’m going to do it anyway because this is the medium in which I get to express my inner feelings (so, there, hahaha – said in a haughty voice).

I hate that stupid quote, “History repeats itself.” I hate it even more when people take it to the next level and say, “Those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it.” They then think they’re incredibly intelligent by noting that Santayana is said to have conceived the phrase.

I might have found the aphorism pithy had I heard it from Santayana’s mouth. But I didn’t, and it’s not, so people should stop saying it.

You might think your friends who studied history or happen to be reading an historical work will think you are smart for saying it. They won’t. That’s the same stupid thing everyone says to historians, history majors, and anyone expressing the slightest interest in history.

It’s just plain stupid.

First, it’s impossible for history to repeat itself. Films, like “Crash” (I’m offending even more people now), think they are incredibly profound by noting that there are cycles of violence. Wow, is that profound?!? One conflict leads to the next: (let’s all whine together now) “If only they’d seen it happen before and learned from the mistakes of others, this wouldn’t be happening.”

Well, folks, history has little to do with that. Such confrontations are generated not out of history or learning, but out of the way creatures choose to settle conflict.

Sunni and Shia can fight over and over again, but history will never repeat itself. If you think that’s all that is happening, you’re articulating your own irrelevance: “Those 100,000 dead guys don’t really matter. It’s just history repeating itself. It’ll happen again, anyway.”

Even the Annales historians didn’t believe that history repeats itself. Variables are constantly changing.

If you want to say something repeats itself, get specific. War repeats itself. Violence repeats itself. Sex and divorce and drug use and erosion and more repeat themselves. But when you think about it in those terms, you realize that none of those things actual repeat themselves because it’s entirely impossible for a created concept to reproduce.

In fact, what is going on is that humans continue doing what humans do. The same goes for the planet, the galaxy, and the universe. You can study history all you want, but that’s not going to free you of the “doom.” That volcano is going to explode no matter how many books you read on the subject.

Second, the assumption behind the statement is that knowing more will lead to fewer problems. In fact, that’s not true at all. War will not end because everyone studies history and realizes that the best solution is not to go to war. If you study history, the best solution is often studying the history of war and then utterly defeating your enemy so that you will be able to control the history written about you. Going to war and winning has been proven time and time again to being the best of all options. Studying history teaches you how not to fail in your endeavor.

History teaches that committing genocide against another people and stealing everything they have benefits you tremendously. You ever heard of the Pecheneg’s? Didn’t think so. Our humanity teaches us that committing genocide is horrendous despite how much land, resources, and power we can amass. We have to be reminded of the Holocaust and other horrors over and over again not so that we can stop history, but so that we realize how horrible we can be to each other.

Even though we study history, we still allow genocides to continue. In fact, history aides and abets the practice of genocide. Allegedly, Hitler asked his generals if they had ever heard of the Armenian genocide? They hadn’t. However, he had! He knew exactly what to do and what history would make of him. How many people become enraged about Basil II “the Bulgar slayer”? Destroy your opponent and no one will ever complain about you again. Feuds last because people remember history.

There might come a time in which people will say, “How quaint they were to think that genocide was evil? Well, how could they possibly know what it’s like to live on post-apocalypse Mars and how not committing genocide got us into this horrible state?”

I’m not advocating genocide here. I’m just trying to note that we craft history into what we choose to believe. Good portions of the people on the planet have agreed that murdering millions of people is bad. We use terms like enlightened and moral to justify our position and condemn all others for their practices. The tragedy in this is that we forget that our enlightenment and morality caused lots of death in the past.

Once again, I’m not supporting cultural relativism. I fully support cultural assertiveness. I assertively support women’s rights, the right to any sexual partner above the age of consent, etc. etc. However, I also take full responsibility for any massive destruction these things may wreak on the Earth. I believe they won’t cause massive damage, but belief in supported theory is all I have to support my argument. I also believe that nuclear energy is the best route to go; if that helps you visualize the kinds of problems that emerge from good intentions.

We must remember our injustices and fully comprehend why they occurred. Writing Hitler off as a lunatic is very dangerous. Claiming that it was a combination of the German romantics and Bismarkian militarism that created Hitler helps explain how genocide was propagated by Germans at a particular time in history, but it does not help us understand why genocide is seen routinely throughout human history. German romantics had nothing to do with Rwanda. Bismark has nothing to do with Darfur (even if Arab Nationalism connects Darfur and Iraqi Kurdistan together).

It’s not history we must understand, but human capabilities: frailties and strengths. We learn about those things from history, but we should never fool ourselves that we won’t repeat the errors of the past. Far too many times in history have people been propelled down paths of destruction being well-meaning the entire time. One should not believe that one is incapable of making the errors of the past just because one has studied them, which is why it is so important to listen to the critics of the enlightenment and read the post-structuralists and post-colonialists, regardless of how whiny, peevish, buffoonish, and bloated they appear at times. Note, pragmatists like Richard Rorty think very highly of deconstructionists like Jacques Derrida.

Third, it’s not history that is repeating, but the acquisition of knowledge. We learn from books. Everyone starts at a basic level, and only studying the history of one’s subject allows one to advance it forward a notch.

Here’s an example: Elie works the copy machine. He does a great job properly copying documents for the whole office. He’s established an incredibly efficient routine to get everything done in a precise fashion. He gets rid of the stress in a time of crisis. Since he’s so good at his job, Elie is promoted as the CEO’s personal assistant immediately.

If Elie is not given the chance to train his replacement Tariq, the office is “doomed” to repeat history. Tariq will have to learn to properly load the copier. He’ll have to learn to fix the jams. He’ll have to figure out that Muhammad likes his copies bundled with different colors separating sections, and that Sara likes her copies bound with binder clips.

The office will go through a period of pain even if Elie gets the chance to train Tariq because Tariq has to learn the tradition and the specifications.

No amount of studying the copy machine and office habits will give Tariq advanced warning. The only way for him to find out how to do his job perfectly is to actually begin doing it.

Humans learn from tradition, but we also have to learn to apply that knowledge. We’ll falter at many of the same places as those who went before us. No amount of learning will get us over those lumps. We’ll repeat the same mistakes over and over and no amount of studying “history” will make up for it.

And “history” didn’t create the problem. Fights between people and wars have nothing to do with history. How workers in an office deal with each other has little to do with history and more to do with the system. It has more to do with how often the copier jams and how quickly Tariq can learn to meet everyone’s needs.

The statement is interesting and bears some truth, but it’s overly quoted and perceived as far more profound than it actually is.

AmEx Commercials

2006-05-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

I saw Wes Anderson's commercial for American Express credit cards without the sound. It looked rather interesting.

It's also effective. I really like Wes Anderson, and I like it that AmEx allowed him to come up with the concept for and direct the commercial. It's seriously made me consider getting an AmEx card. Well, that, and my Dad always telling me to use AmEx instead of Visa or Mastercard.

The Big However

The AmEx commercial featuring Robert DeNiro is brilliant. It was directed by Martin Scorcese and has a soundtrack by Phillip Glass. It's about DeNiro's unadulterated passion for his city, New York: his passion, his heartbeat, his love, his life.

It's a very moving short film with two consecutive glimpses of Ground Zero. It places New York in time, but through the use of immigrants, old people, and maps, it makes New York timeless. DeNiro is our narrator into this glimpse.

The film makes the audience feel passionate about the subject, which DeNiro cares so much about.

Then, they have to ruin it all by taking on the AmEx add at the end. It's totally out of place and destroys everything the ad created. It doesn't make me want to get an AmEx card. It angers me.

In retrospect though, once again, I think it's pretty amazing that AmEx would work so hard on such a brilliant ad. That enamours me with AmEx. And since Bobbie DeNiro likes it, and I like Bobbie DeNiro, it makes me think even more highly of the card.

However, instead of undermining the resolve of the film, they probably should have simply said, "Sponsored by American Express" at the end, even though that undermines the ad campaign. The problem is, having him give the AmEx promotion undermines the campaign, as well.

Kaak Versus Taxi

2006-05-16T15:12:00.000-07:00

It's impossible not to come into contact with other people while walking around Beirut.

No matter where you are or what you are doing, someone will impose himself on you.

Sometimes it's just a honk; the servis driver alerting you of his presence so he can take your money if you need a ride. Other times it's the guy with the weird voice walking through the streets announcing that he is collecting batteries or rags or broken electronics.

The kaak venders will often catch your eye and entice you to buy their scrumptious delights. I never buy, and offend many friends in not doing so, because I worry about the sanitary conditions. I've seen way too many pieces of bread fall off carts into piles of garbage and then picked up and put back on the cart to be sold to have any interest in the stuff.

The most annoying people are the taxi drivers. I can deal with the servis drivers honking their way through Beirut. But the taxi guys are just a nuisance. No matter who you are or what you are doing they will interrupt by announcing loudly, "TAXI!"

It's absolutely illogical. I'll be exiting a servis and they will call it out. Coming out of Concorde is the worst. It's obvious that your group is walking to the parking lot, but the guys call out loudly anyway. In the midst of a conversation, the dude will interrupt. I feel like yelling, "Buddy, if we want you to drive us somewhere, we'll tell you when we are ready. We saw you. We see your car. We know you always park here."

They get so offended when you reply, "servis?" The guys outside Virgin in the downtown are particularly bad.

It's funny walking all the way down Hamra during the day because every few feet someone will call out "TAXI!!!" They park outside hotels and on corners announcing their presence to everyone, but waiting for a foreigner to emerge.

I once saw a blonde backpacker emerge from the Mace Hotel. A massive, obese taxi driver in front of the Casa d'Or Hotel starts running and bumping people out of the way frantically trying to get across the street. We all wonder what is going on until he starts yelling from the other side of Hamra, "TAXI!!! TAXIIIIII!!!" The blonde guy looked really pissed off and just kept walking as all the rest of the taxi drivers announced "TAXI!!!" even though they had just watched him turn down four other people.

It's a great way to welcome foreigners to Lebanon. I had a blonde friend who joked about making a t-shirt that said, "Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean I need a taxi."

Kaak Versus Servis

I've noticed a strange phenomenon. There are some days when no one will call out TAXI to me. Strangely, on these days servis drivers don't even honk at me. When I walk up to their window, they are surprised that I had wanted a ride.

However, on those very same days, I am accosted by every last kaak vender. Random people on the street with bags will come up to me offering me kaak. I didn't even know they were selling kaak. They just looked like pedestrians with bags.

Maybe kaak is a euphemism for drugs and on those days I look particularly like a drug dealer. The servis drivers all expect me to have my own car or mukhabarat escort. The kaak venders are all dealers or mukhabarat spies who want to pass something off to me. JK :)

It's a weird phenomenon.

A Day In Beirut

2006-05-16T14:09:00.000-07:00

It was an entirely irregular day for me, but cozy, nonetheless.

I woke up to do chores around the house. The cleaning women arrived, as they do every day, and a man came to clean all the windows now that the rains have gone.

I took a servis to the National Museum for an appointment at a government office. Often, I take a taxi (five times as much as a servis, ie $3.66) when in a hurry to avoid exactly what happened today. But I wasn't in a hurry, so I enjoyed taking it all in.

When I joined the passengers, we were in Manara - at the very tip of Beirut. The driver took a circuitous route heading to Qantari, where I noticed that one of my favorite old buildings damaged by the war was recently demolished. We headed through Selim Salam and then into the heart of Mazraa twisting through side streets until we arrived at the destination of two passengers. It was clear sailing to Mathaf, although it had taken half an hour to arrive.

I showed up at my apartment with all forms from myriad governmental institutions signed, duplicates prepared and notarized, and all other formalities in order. I had been told the week before that to accomplish something, I would need all of this paperwork. However, when I showed up at the office, the official looked at everything and said that I didn't need any of it. I already had full permission to do everything I needed. I was free to leave and go on about my business.

Normally, I would have been angry that I was forced to waste time running all throughout the city, but I had budgeted half a day for myself to accomplish this task (taking the morning off) and I wasn't going to let my free time go to waste.

I decided to walk home. On my way, I stopped in two cemetaries, glanced inside antiques shops, walked past some of my favorite religious and architectural sites in Zoqaq al Blat and Batrakiye, and heard the joyous sounds of children at recess. I haven't heard children playing in a long time, but it's such a pleasant sound. I miss those days.

I love walking through Zoqaq al Blat and Mseitbeh because there are other pedestrians on the street. They're probably the only parts of Beirut where people regularly walk to their destination instead of using a vehicle. Given its size, Beirut should be a pedestrian city, but it is not.

I stopped in at one of my favorite cafes in Hamra that serves some of the best pain chocolat in the world and flirted with the beautiful waitress who returned the favor. While there, I read Lee Smith's tirade against the American University of Beirut and Noam Chomsky.

It's been a nice day.

Defining Lebanon: Past, Present, and Future

2006-05-13T15:09:00.001-07:00

I'd be interested in knowing what you think of a recent post I wrote over at LPJ.

It's a meta-post. There's a lot to play with. It's intentionally general.

I'm interested in hearing your thoughts. Am I totally off?

Check it out.

Politically Classifying Myself

2006-05-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

I keep telling my friends that I'm ridiculously right wing. They keep telling me that I'm crazy.

They're right. I'm wrong, but I still feel right wing for some reason.

Political classification is an imprecise business, but we all try to fit into it regardless.

I hate taxes and tariffs, but I love regulation. I'm not a big fan of government sponsored social welfare programs, but I support family planning and NGO social welfare activities. I'm not a fan of the death penalty and I strongly support homosexual marriage, rights, etc., but I don't care at all either way about abortion.

Women and religious zealots love to scream at me about my apathy toward the abortion issue. I retort that I care way too much about so many other things that I don't think I need to care about that one. Do they care about who will become the next Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee? Do they care about depleting the ocean of fish, or the proper cut of a piece of fish set atop properly molded rice? Do they care about the destruction of archaeological sites in and around Mecca and Medina? Do they care about resolving the dispute over Nagorno-Karabakh or planned oil pipelines through the Caucasus?

Today, I found an interesting indicator.

I read the editorial pages of both The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal. Both of them anger me. I read both for the opinion contributors and guest editorialists. I tend to agree more with the NYT op-ed writers, but I agree more strongly with WSJ writers when in agreement.

Sometimes I agree with both pages, even when they are in diametric opposition. For example, a recent editorial in the Times praised historically chastized urban planner Robert Moses, while an editorial in the Journal praised Moses' opponent Jane Jacobs. The Times supporting Moses and the Journal supporting Jacobs is almost counter-intuitive, but then again isn't. The Journal isn't a big fan of government control and supports small business, while the Times supports government authority to structure society, even if it is now liberals who praise community power to construct their communities against corporations.

Interesting how debates change, eh?

I guess, technically, I'm slightly more to the left than the right at this moment in history, but who cares more about classification than belief anyway?

Gardenias and Roses

2006-05-12T16:09:00.000-07:00

My gardenias are blooming!

The men on the streets selling gardenias are all out offering the intensely aromatic flowers on inexpensive garlands. I just love it.

The roses are blooming, too. I was in Dahieh and saw a vender selling the most beautiful red roses. I was running to a meeting, but nearly bought three or four rose bushes to put on my balcony. If I had, the servis driver would not have been too happy with my loamy load.

It's two years in a row now that I've missed the orange blossoms in the South. Driving from Saida to Tyre in the Spring is a beautiful experience. The smell overwhelms the car.

What would you do if this happened at your favorite bar?

2006-05-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

In Cairo a few days after New Year's Day, some friends and I were at La Bodega, a popular pub.

One of the guys goes there often and knows the owner. He asked to play the music for the night, and got permission.

"Love Generation" kind of became our group song during New Year's, so that was the first song he played. Another song came on, then he played "Love Generation" again. Some of the people who didn't know us looked up with a "Didn't we just listen to that song?" expression on their faces.

Another song played. "Love Generation" played again. Another song played. Then, "Love Generation."

I think it played a total of seven times. We were having a great time, but I know I probably would not have been happy with the music selection were I just a random customer.

Open Media in Lebanon

2006-05-10T15:09:00.000-07:00

There is no possibility for free media in Lebanon. It's really sad.

Students at the American University of Beirut are trying to set up student radio. Their first problem is the AUB administration. Their biggest problem is the Lebanese government.

Getting liscenses and permits and setting up the infrastructure for a radio station is very difficult in Lebanon. For one, the politicians control the process, and they don't like allocating radio space to people who won't march in step with them. Second, the law in Lebanon states that radio and television stations must broadcast to the whole nation, which means the price for broadcasting goes way up. Terrestrial networks are difficult to build, and satellite uplinks cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

If community radio is impossible, then community television becomes impossible, too.

The Lebanese law was written because foreign countries tried to influence Lebanese politics through media outlets. They worry about useless media outlets proliferating. These outlets don't expect profit, so they continue publishing even if no one buys them. That's not a problem, but the government believes that only certain voices need to be heard, while other voices need to be silenced.

There is no venue in which an alternative voice can be heard. There's no room for community activism. There's no room for intelligent radio analysis, like National Public Radion in the United States.

It's really sad, because I know I would most likely watch the alternative channel more than any of the ones currently available. Small groups in neighborhoods would have the power to define their communities and learn how to make great media in the process.

Oh, well... Maybe if a benefactor decided to fund it, we could establish a Hamra alternative television group and put our productions on DVD and distribute them freely to everyone in the neighborhood with DVD players. If this model proved successful, we might be able to expand into providing content to national television stations. Then, one day way in the future, we might be able to get our own TV station.

The Claire Danes Niche

2006-05-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

After watching Scarlett Johansson in "Lost in Translation," I thought that Claire Danes completely lost her niche and would never again appear in a great film.

Danes always plays the sensitive, intellectual, slightly aloof but also down to earth, sexy (in a smart way) character that was Johanssen's role as the unsatisfied, married, recent Yale graduate Charlotte. Even though Johansson's performance was fabulous, I kept thinking that Danes - who actually went to Yale - would have been perfect for the part.

Initially, I thought that Danes had lost her niche to a younger, prettier actress with different acting nuances. In fact, I thought at that time, it wasn't that Danes lost her niche; she had abandoned it for puerile pursuits. How could the actress who played Shakespeare's Juliette make the repulsive "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines"? Her fantastic role in "Igby Goes Down" could not make up for the massively disappointing "Mod Squad," which also starred Johansson's husband in "Translation" the actor Giovanni Ribisi. Keeping the same leading man, but swapping actresses caught my eye.

Regardless, Johansson was a much better fit for the part of Charlotte. However, at times I cringed for a Danes reading of a line. For example, in "Lost in Translation" when Charlotte's husband, John (Giovanni Ribisi), is talking to his ditzy popstar friend Kelly (Anna Faris) who says that she checked into the hotel under the pseudonym Evelyn Waugh, Charlotte responds, "Evelyn Waugh is a man" (the quote is from memory, so it's probably off)." Johansson makes it sound a bit snooty. Danes could have carried the line.

Johansson has elegance and confidence. Danes is self-deprecating and unassuming. But after "Terminator 3," I thought we would never see the old Danes again. I was wrong.

Johansson could not have played Mirabelle Buttersfield in "Shopgirl." Danes was superb. In fact, it might even be her best performance.

"Shopgirl" and "Lost in Translation" are quite similar films. I loved "Translation," but I think (after brief contemplation) "Shopgirl" takes the cake. Both films explore loneliness. Both films explore the confines of relationships. Both films explore relationships between older men and young women. Both films star pretty, young actresses and aging, yet charismatic comedians playing entirely serious roles.

"Lost in Translation" is still a great film, but when held beside "Shopgirl" the charm fades. "Translation" is supported by an artificially created context to which few in the audience can relate. Johansson - a Yale beauty married to a famous photographer - and Bill Murray - a faded Hollywood actor shooting whiskey commercials - are cooped in a luxury hotel in Japan, a country with entirely different customs in which the two will never fit. They're profoundly lonely in their hotel rooms, but find each other and build a great relationship before having to return to their mundane, unhappy lives. There's no sex and little to laugh about, besides a few goofy, Murray-esque scenes of him in tight, funky t-shirts dancing or walking around the swanky hotel bar in a tux with the holding pins still attached to the back.

"Shopgirl" is a much more realistic story about shared loneliness and the yearning we have for companionship. Steve Martin - an aging, rich, businessman with houses in LA, Seattle, and New York, Claire Danes - an aspiring artist from Vermont working alone at a counter at Saks Fifth Avenue, and Jason Schwartzmann - a young, incredibly quirky amplifier salesman who loves to ROCK!, all live alone in Los Angeles. They all want companionship; not just Platonic friendship like in "Lost in Translation," but true emotional and physical companionship. Danes desires to simply be held and loved.

"Shopgirl" is incredibly complex, and the acting is overwhelming. Martin, Danes, and Schwartzmann are absolutely superb.

Danes maintains her dominance in the niche she created. Johansson has created a different realm. Whereas Danes is special but overlooked, Johansson is special but guarded because she is coveted. Winona Ryder swims in a similar stream and tried to break into this realm in "Reality Bites," but it didn't work.

Oh, the thoughtful female lead... I wish I knew smart, eloquent, beautiful women who aren't pretentious, condescending, and artificially argumentative. They're so hard to find when one leaves a university campus or Upper West Side Manhattan.

I Love Denmark

2006-05-06T15:09:00.000-07:00

I had a lunch meeting in Clemenceau. On my way home, as is normally my habit when coming from that direction, I like to casually stroll across AUB.

I dropped by an office and saw a friend and we walked together.

In front of College Hall, there was a video camera set up and a blond guy holding a massive Danish flag. They were asking people to tell the camera what they think when they see the Danish flag.

My friend, as an AUB employer, couldn't be interviewed, but they wanted to interview me. I probably gave them a big shock, and the people who see the program in Denmark won't believe that this was a real man-on-the-street comment. They'll probably think it's scripted or something.

This is what I said:

I love Denmark. It's a great country. I hate it that the consulate here was attacked. I believe in free speech. I support Prime Minister Rasmussen. I think he's one of the greatest leaders in Europe. I love Lurpak, and I love Legos.

Feeling Alive, Living in Transit

2006-05-05T03:09:00.000-07:00

The only time I feel really alive is when in transit.

I guess I've internalized the free market, push ahead, constant action, go-go modern technological concept of reality.

Going to the airport, sitting in the waiting area, flying, getting my passport stamped, picking up the luggage, taxi-ing into town all serve a purpose. I left for a reason, and I'm arriving for a reason. I'm fighting entropy.

I'm always ready and prepared for the next step. I race to the immigration counter book in hand. I'm in complete control.

I feel great about myself for my efficiency and my effective use of time. I devour books and magazines while on the plane and feel great about myself for getting so much accomplished in the dead time. Reading while in line, on the bus out to the plane, walking through the terminal accomplishes even more.

The taxi in from the airport is always a learning experience or a time for nostalgia: "This is an interesting country. Hmmm... Lots of outdoor advertising. I wonder who sells the space;" "Ahhh, things are just the way I remember them. Oh, how quaint, the vegetable seller is in the same place."

However, once home the feeling ends. I'm not efficient any more. I don't read as much. I get lonely, and I can't wait to get on the plane.

I think that's the key: loneliness. For some reason, I feel very comfortable not interacting with other people while surrounded by them. In fact, I've never met anyone I've wanted to keep in contact with while on a plane; not even that cute British doctor on the flight from Addis Ababa to Axum who later showed up at my hotel asking me to go out to dinner (I was exhausted from hiking at the high altitude and didn't go).

When at home, I feel like I should meet other people. We're actually a community. Talking to people at home builds relationships that are sustainable, unlike talking to someone from New Delhi in the airport cafeteria.

It's just so hard to meet new people, especially when you're efficiency minded and get upset when you leave your house and the experience isn't that great and you could have stayed home and read a book and gotten a lot more out of those hours.

Ughhhh... I'm being peevish. Sorry for the annoyance.

Young Women in Lebanon

2006-05-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not saying that my experience is universal, so there's no need to attack me or explain everything away. This is my experience.

So, I'm talking to some nice young woman I've been introduced to. We get along very well and she's flirtatious.

I get her number.

I organization a group get together with one of her friends and a bunch of mine making sure to keep the sexes evenly matched.

I bring all of my friends. She brings her girlfriend. We talk, and she's very cheerful. She's smiling and we're getting along really well.

I'm a very socially conservative guy. I don't want to be, but that's the way I was raised. Since she's still flirtatious and we're getting along, I think all is going fantastically and am thinking to the next time I will ask her out one on one.

Then, a gaggle of guys with hair styled into a messy mop in tight t-shirts, jeans, sneakers, and bad teeth appear. They come to the table, don't introdice themselves to anyone, take chairs, turn the chairs away from the table, and pull the nice young woman I was talking with away to talk with them.

Multiple guys and her touch each other in a manner displaying an established relationship. She ends up sitting on one of their laps. She doesn't look in the direction of me or my friends.

I pull her away briefly and we chat. Once again, she's friendly and flirtatious, but one of the other guys pulls her back, and she's all too willing to return.

The night ends. I'm left sad and depressed yet again.

People tell me I need to be more aggressive, but that's not who I am.

People tell me I need to have stylish mop hair, tight shirts, and sneakers, but I could never pull that off. My posture is too good, and I would look like a square anyways. I'd be like an undercover cop or mukhabarat trying to "fit in" as a normal civilian; I can never quite do it.

Incredibly conservative women looking for marriage flock to me. I'm not interested in an incredibly conservative woman looking for marriage.

I never get what I want...

Hoping for a Fun Summer

2006-04-25T05:33:00.005-07:00

I will make the pronouncement now: last summer sucked.

The bands, singers, and other concert performers didn't show up. It was one of the worst years for the many summer festivals like Byblos, Baalbak, Beiteddine, Bacardi, and Virgin. In fact, the latter two were entirely cancelled.

The beach life was okay. The nightclubs did there business without too many memorable moments. The bomb placed in Monnot breaking the windows and scaring everyone closed the clubs down for awhile.

In the Spring of 2005 during the height of the bomb scares the clubbing was spectacular. On nights when bombs didn't go off sending everyone running home, the atmosphere was invigorating and fantastic. Normally, at the height of passion when everyone was on the tables dancing, the music would stop, the Lebanese national anthem would play, and everyone will sing along loudly many with their right hands extended in the air. I get goosebumps just writing about it. It would end and the night would continue fully energized.

Clubbing is really lame right now. The pubs are all the rage, but if you're like me and have been heading to Gemayzeh for nearly a year, the pizzazz is gone. The places are now crowded to the brim with people. You can't talk and you can't move. Just walking down the street makes me feel like a piece of meat; a steer ready to forfeit part of myself to the establishments. And I haven't really been having much of a good time there any more.

A recent night that took me to Downstairs at Club Social, Lila Braun, and Element was thoroughly disappointing. Not a single one of the venues was energized. All were filled uncomfortably beyond capacity, yet there was no energy. The music wasn't good (particularly at Lila where they hired the worst DJ I've ever heard in my entire life).

There aren't any new places opening. The ambiance of the old places has fully changed, or they've closed. And there really aren't any new major musical hits (for this I can blame the world). On the American hip hop side, in 2004 we had Usher's "Yeah." In 2005 we had The Game's fantastic album and a few good songs from 50. What's the hit for 2006? Not the Notorious BIG's new album (which is good, but doesn't get a club bumpin'). Not LL Cool J's "Control Myself."

On the trance side, we're still listening to Tiesto and Deep Dish regulars. The pathbreaking club tracks to come out were provided by Madonna, but they peaked a long time ago.

So, I'm hoping for a fun summer. Let's hope the beach parties are hot, the clubs get some energy, the music gets good, and the concerts are great. Given the number of international DJs coming to town and 50 Cent's 10 June concert, the concerts are the least of my concern.

Hopefully, no bombs will start again and stop the summer fun.

Israel and Lebanon Stand Together

2006-04-25T05:33:00.004-07:00

I found this quite striking.

I'd just arrived in Milan and was transferring to another terminal for my next flight. On my way, I saw something that stopped me in my tracks. I had to break out my camera.

Knowing that national security is a big deal and that El Al is one of the most security conscious airlines in the world, I hesitated to take the picture. In the end, I took it anyway.

My Lebanese government owned Middle East Airlines flight arrives and departs from a gate right next to El Al's gate. It struck me to see the two countries' flags together.

(I've tried to post the picture for an hour. It's not working. I hate the internet in this country. Damn the stupid telecommunications laws. Damn overly powerful government destroying the lives of citizens).

Taking Pictures in Qureitem

2006-04-25T05:33:00.003-07:00

Don't try to take pictures on the street above Hamra parallel to the Hariri mansion in Qureitem. (It's the street that becomes Spears, then Fouad Chehab, then Charles Malik).

I wasn't even doing so, but my servis got stopped and my camera inspected.

A member of the gendarme pulled us over because I was erasing pictures from my camera on my way to an event with friends in Dahieh. I still had pictures from old parties, trips abroad, and more that I hadn't yet put on my computer, but I needed space for more pics because my memory card was full. I was merely erasing bad and unimportant pics.

The officer: Why are you taking pictures?

Me: I'm not.

The officer: What are you doing?

Me: Deleting old pictures.

The officer: So, you don't have any pictures of THIS street.

Me: None.

The officer: Let me see.

He then grabbed my camera from me and went through all 120 pictures. It took forever, I felt really bad for the servis driver, and it made me late. After the first few, it was pretty easy to tell that I wasn't lying. I think he just liked looking at all the attractive sights and beautiful people I had photographed. He got a view into my life.

At first, I thought he should have just profiled me: guy styled hair and styled facial hair wearing a bright pink, white, orange, and light red stripped shirt and 70s porn-style sunglasses. Would somebody wearing this kind of outfit be taking pictures to pass on to those trying to assassinate a member of the Hariri family? After a bit of thinking, I decided YES, in fact, anyone fits the description.

The Syrians are a savvy bunch. If you've seen any of the pictures of the Syrian spy Hussam Hussam at the Hawi assassination or the 2004 benzene protests, you would note that he's always wearing a bright colored shirt with wrap-around sunglasses. Also, the Syrians are known to blackmail people for information.

I should have heeded Jamal's advice. Don't try to breathe in Qureitem. You can't even walk on your roof without a permit, and even then you risk being shot.

Disabled Children

2006-04-25T05:33:00.002-07:00

My gym, Lifestyles, has a trainer and physiotherapist for disabled people.

Often, I see him working with old men with canes, people with polio, and those with other disabilities. He also trains children and adults with cerebral palsy.

I often see mother's bringing their mentally handicapped children to the gym. Yesterday, a woman carried her son into the lockerroom. They were all laughs and giggles and having a great time together.

I'm glad to see them at the gym. They take longer than most people when using the machines, but I don't mind. It's good that they're using them in the first place.

I don't know why, but I've never had any prejudices against the disabled. It's not because one of my best friends works for the Lebanese Inclusion Project, an organization looking to provide disabled Lebanese (of which there is a huge number) with equal access throughout the country. This is a daunting task in a country that doesn't respect the needs of fully mobile citizens, let alone those with special needs.

Despite my affinity for the disabled, however, I always thought that if my wife was pregnant with a child with Down's Syndrome or some other genetic disease, I would strongly consider abortion. I don't think that's true any more.

Of course, I would do everything in my power to prevent preventable birth-related conditions like cerebral palsy or spina bifida, but I know would love an afflicted child just as much as the others.

Abortion is not one of my issues. I don't care about it one way or another. I did at one point, and then I stopped caring. I'm far more concerned with people killing other people. I don't think I would have a problem living in either a society that condoned or prohibited the practice. So, this post isn't about that subject.

I'm just happy to be living with people with different sorts of capabilities. Love is the best pathology on Earth. It makes life worth living and the world less indifferent. And I would love my children.

Comments on Israel/Lebanon and the Israeli Blogosphere

2006-04-25T05:33:00.001-07:00

My mother sent me an article (dated 14 April, 2006) from the US Jewish newspaper the Forward about Lebanese author Elias Khoury's new book on the Palestinian Nakba called "Gates of the Sun."

Michael Totten recently traveled to Israel, and will begin posting on his travels soon.

Mustapha recently asked Lebanese bloggers to take a look at what an Israeli blogger has to say about Lebanon.

With all of these connections, I decided to check out the Israeli blogosphere and found it remarkably sad and depressing. Perhaps it is just the events of the last month that caused this effect, but similar events happen there all the time.

Here are a few of the subjects of their posts: the Tel Aviv suicide bombing, personal accounts of the terror attack with pictures, terror attacks in Dahab, anger that the Egyptian blogosphere is blaming Israel for the attack, Iran's nuclear program, Ahmadinejad's exterminationist outbursts, the film "Paradise Now," Passover, and Holocaust Remembrance Day. Coindidentally, Holocaust Remembrance Day is just a few days after Lebanese commemorate the civil war; thus, within a week I've read multiple disturbing personal accounts of concentration camps coupled with personal experiences from 15 years of war.

What is most striking is that many Israeli bloggers are incredibly knowledgeable about what is going on here (ie, Lebanon, but also the rest of the Arabic speaking region). Note that my mother sent me an article about the Nakba by the editor of An Nahar Literary Supplement from a New York based Jewish newspaper. I didn't read a single article in the Lebanese press on Holocaust Remembrance Day. The lack of news about Israel - not an unimportant country in the region - is astounding.

Of course, there are crazy fanatics who get everything wrong, but many Israeli bloggers are remarkably well informed and incredibly evenhanded given everything that has happened to them.

I hate exchanging in the usual pan-Arabist tit-for-tat style argumentation, but think about what Israelis deal with on a daily basis: frequent suicide bombs, support for such attacks by the popularly elected Palestinian government, threats of annihilation from a country arming itself with nuclear weapons, constant words of hate from the Arabic speaking world, and remembrances of the Holocaust.

Responding with a litany of Israeli crimes does nothing to better understand who they are and their humanity. When we discuss Syria, we don't talk about the utterly destroying the entire country and population because of the many crimes the Syrian government committed and continues to commit.

Fantastic bloggers like Lisa Goldman have nothing to do with anything you throw at her. Read her blog. Read how her friends think the Palestinian star of "Paradise Now" is a "hottie."

Read paragraphs like this:

I remember the time my mother whispered to me, at the kiddush lunch following a cousin's bar mitzvah ceremony, that the relative at the next table - the one who had just pinched my cheeks and told me what a beautiful young lady I was becoming - had been a Mengele twin. Where is his twin? I asked. In and out of mental hospitals, answered my grandmother.

Or this:

Two years have passed since suicide bombings stopped being a near-daily occurence, but as far as our reactions were concerned - well, we fell right back into routine: don't get too excited, maybe it was just a gas explosion; oops, there are the sirens; how many?; a lot, must be a pigua [terror attack]; start making phone calls ("did you hear? Are you near a television?" How many dead?")

And note the differences in response to bombs between them and us. They kept doing what they were doing without even looking worried. In Lebanon, the nightclubs pack up, Monnot and Gemayzeh empty, and everyone looks incredibly worried - perhaps because bombings aren't daily here; no one gives a good explanation for why. And here, the bombs went off without targeting civilians. They went off in random allies and empty shopping strips.

And note the Israeli response to a bombing: "10 minutes after the explosion, the wounded had already been evacuated to the hospitals. There was police tape around the immediate area of the bombing..."

Provides some perspective, eh?

Not knowing about "them" is the worst crime we can commit. It invalidates them as humans, as if they don't even matter. They are Stalin's faceless enemy, the rabid dog, the evil blood suckers whom it is righteous to kill. Our papers definitely need to start covering more than major political events in Israel. We should remember their tragedies. 'They" already have a massive internal debate going on about the Palestinians, the war in Lebanon, and the wall. Given the reception Elias Khoury's book has received in Israel, it seems the Israelis (including the official IDF education officer quoted in the Forward) are recognizing the Nakba. Why deny the Holocaust?

At first all this unquestioning and uninformed hate makes me angry, but in the end, it's truly depressing, especially after reading the uninhibited first person narratives in the Israeli blogosphere.

Sloppy, Sexual Sightings in Zouk Mikhail

2006-04-25T05:33:00.000-07:00

Lebanon is known for keeping sexual matters behind closed doors.

That's why everyone in the massive traffic jam in Zouk Mikhail on Sunday night was shocked to see what was going on in the 1980s Citroen.

Without going into graphic detail, let's just say that the driver's companion was not sitting upright in her seat.

Want Free Drugs?

2006-04-13T02:14:00.001-07:00

Wipe your hand across the toilet seat at Basement. Feel and see that white powder accumulate on your hand?

Yeah, it's exactly what you think it is. Press it to your gums and you'll be awake all night long.

I guess all those Lebanese Colombians are feeding a lucrative Lebanese market.

Movies in Lebanon

2006-04-13T02:14:00.000-07:00

I'm amazed at some of the films that come out in Lebanon.

Let's take the film I saw last night: "Edison." It was horrible, even though it starred Kevin Spacey, Morgan Freeman, and many other great actors. However, the entire plot revolved around Justin Timberlake (who can't act) and LL Cool J (who is one dimensional during the entire film.

I just went to Rotten Tomatoes to check out the reviews and found that the film was canned. It's not being shown anywhere else.

This happens all the time. Circuit Empire and Circuit Planete, the major film houses in Lebanon, must purchase these films at cut-rate price. They charge us the same amount for a ticket, but don't pay nearly as much as they do for "King Kong" or "Lord of the Rings."

I saw a decent film a few years ago called "Dot the i." When I looked it up online, I noticed that it was released in Lebanon before it was released anywhere else. It wasn't a bad flick.

Oh, Those Quaint Europeans

2006-04-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

Traffic was congested as we entered Turin after a fabulous tasting in Barbaresco.

As my driver pulled into the roundabout, another car zoomed past nearly clipping the front of the car.

We were all shocked.

My Italian driver, Luciano, exclaimed, "Moroccaaaan."

I smiled thinking, "European racism. Isn't that quaint."

Not knowing anything but my profession and my itinerary, he saw the smile and decided to up the ante.

"Libanese," he said chortling.

Wrong move, buddy.

But then I thought, you know, the world really does group Lebanese and Moroccans together. Despite Lebanese efforts to proclaim refinement, the quality of restaurants and luxury shops in your capital city really don't mean all that much.

Funny Stuff on Politics from the New Yorker

2006-03-24T05:38:00.000-08:00

These two quotes from the same article are rather funny:

The past couple of weeks, the White House has been doing all the heavy lifting. Just the Dick Cheney thing—I started looking at what has gone on in the last couple of weeks and thinking, the White House has now jumped the shark. If the White House were a TV show, if it were “Scooby-Doo,” this is the fifth season, where they introduce Scrappy Doo. If you were looking at TV Guide, and it said, “This week at the White House, trouble ensues when the Vice-President shoots his friend in the face,” you’d be, like, “Aw, shit, they’re running out of ideas. This has got to be the last season. . . . What could happen next week? They’re going to give the ports to the Arabs?”

and...

"I think it’s a sign of the times, when you see all the headlines recently: “bush decries cartoon violence.” A friend of ours saw “four killed in cartoon violence,” and added, “by anvil.” It’s a serious thing, but everything’s funny at some point."

Strida's Baby

2006-02-25T04:41:00.000-08:00

They say Strida Geagea is pregnant.

I wonder if the child will closely resemble the former King of Saudi Arabia.

Answering the Door

2006-02-13T08:19:00.001-08:00

!Ding dong!

I answer the door.

The person standing on the other side looks astonished.

This happens over and over in my life. Today, I answered the door with my pants unbuckled, a funny winter hat on my head, and a thick hunting jacket on while I was talking loudly on the phone. The usual Domino's guy always gives me a smile, but this was a new guy and he was shocked.

When you spend too much time alone you forget that the gaze of the other matters.

On Weird Humor

2006-02-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

I have three forms of humor:

1) Jokes at the expense of others

2) Plays on words

3) Absurdity

All of them make me particularly odd.

Lebanese, American Southerners, and others make jokes at the expense of others. Bill Clinton had trouble giving his first Washington Press Corps dinner, which is always a humorous speech. In the South, humor is used to tongue-lash one's opponents. Clinton felt very uncomfortable with the jokes his Jewish and Irish speechwriters came up with. The Jews and the Irish are notorious for their self-deprecating humor. The final speech was hysterical because it merged Clinton's mean-spirited joking with self-deprecation (a form of humor that, at its best, ingratiates the joke-teller to his audience).

Unlike Clinton, I usually mix my mean-spirited jokes with the absurd. However, I do this with the utmost sincerity. On top of that, there is often a play on the words. The result is sometimes funny, but only to a select few people. And usually the humor only comes in recounting how awkward the joke was originally or how people actually believe the most absurd thing to come out of my mouth.

Examples:

1. I went around a bar telling people my male colleague had his uterus removed. (Mix of the 3 styles).

2. I told many people that my attractive, gregarious veil wearing friend had a habit of becoming overly excited and responding to the impulse in shockingly inappropriate ways.

3. I've made DONKEY into a foul word (it really does sound surprisingly naughty, as if a reference to something sexual or disgusting). It originally came about because I was making fun of a pretentious restaurant on the Via Veneto in Rome called Le Doney. There might have been a mental association in there with the Arabic insult hmar.

4. The word PORK and PORKING has been taken to extraordinarily strange and inappropriate places. Conservative Muslim friends who pray five times and wear hijab will respond to the question, "What are you doing?" or, "What are you up to?" with the response, "PORKING."

It's all so pathologically strange. (Don't worry. I'll tell some truly funny jokes at some point. No joke, I was once in an improv comedy group. Weren't expecting that from a lebanon.profile now were you?).

Quote of the Day: Peshmerga

2006-02-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

These peshmerga are great. They really protect people. They're not tripped up on Syrian acid.

Pop music, Motown, and Tom Stoppard

2006-01-23T07:49:00.000-08:00

When I watched Tom Stoppard's play "The Real Thing" I felt vindicated.

The protagonist, Henry, is a playwright (modeled on Stoppard). As he is a "public intellectual," he's supposed to have refined tastes. However, he's absolutely in love with pop music.

I'm a firm believer in the genius of pop music. It wouldn't be popular if it wasn't so fantastic.

Sure, I listen to all the indie rock, critically acclaimed stuff. I had Steven Sufjans' "Illinoise" long before it made anyone's "Best Album of the Year" list. In fact, I had it before it had even been mentioned in the popular press. And I've got quite a collection of West African stuff that's only recently come to the attention of the "critical" world. And my favorite album ever is The Roots' "Do You Want More?!!?!?!?"

But rap, trance, lounge, techno, country, pop, classic rock, and, of course, Motown are incredible.

I can't understand how someone couldn't like one of the hits off of The Game's album or Stevie Wonder's "Songs in the Key of Life" or Royksopp's "Eple" or Alabama's "Song of the South" or Cafe St. Germain and Hotel Costes (okay, not everything off of the compilations - some stuff really sucks, but they're a compilations).

My favorite singer ever is Wilson Pickett. I never got to see him perform, and he died this week. His music will live on.

As I write this, I'm listening to Edwin Starr's "War": "War, huh. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing." Now, it's Martha Reeves' "Heat Wave." It's a Motown night (actually, it started last night). It was a Jill Scott day.

"Between 5:30 and 5:50, I get five tables"

2006-01-20T05:17:00.005-08:00

Who the hell eats dinner at 5:30pm?

Well, Americans do. I did at one point. It all seems so incredibly foreign now.

Getting together this evening with a few other people who recently studied abroad was quite an experience. It reminded me what it is like to live outside of Lebanon. However, this article in the New York Times reminded me more than anything else.

I never really ate at 5:30pm. When I was at University of Chicago, I routinely missed dinner, which I had already paid for in the required tuition/dorm meal plan payment. That the dinner line closed at 8:30 or 9pm was beside the point. I wasn't ready for dinner until 9:30 or 10.

What civilized person eats before 9:30? Well, anyone who actually lives a normal American life.

My friends and I would run to our favorite places:

1) Pharaon - the Egyptian shisha cafe. I was with the group of Bahraini, Egyptians, Pakistani, Indians, Palestinians, and Turks. There was one other Lebanese guy who came once in a blue moon. We got used to deriding the "Lebanese," ie the guys who always walked in with slicked hair, pimped shirts, leather jackets, and massive gold crosses protruding from their luxurience of chest hair. Joe never took the chiding too seriously. I zipped up my jacket so as not to let everyone notice that I too had protruding chest hair, slicked hair, and a leather jacket. Then again, everyone else in the place did too, but not with as much style.

2) The Palestinian taxi cab joint in the middle of the ghetto. I had a car. So did Wasef and Hassan. We would drive through some of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the city to sit in a small, Gaza-esque kiosk of a restaurant that served the most amazing food. Jihad, the owner/cook/handiman, ran the entire restaurant by himself. We'd order at 10:30pm and the food would arrive at midnight. We didn't care. Al Jazeera blared in the other room as we chided each other about being women, losing at cards, losing at tawla, and not being able to eat enough.

Eating was a big deal. The guy who couldn't finish his plate was always mercilessly derided. Amazingly, the brawny Palestinian ate the most. Unsurprisingly, the massive Bahraini was a close second.

3) Clark's, the 24 hour diner. Going to Clark's was a venture in disappointing irresponsibility. The food wasn't even good. We all recognized this, but continued to go all the same. And we would gorge ourselves beyond bodily capacity every time.

4) The Wiener Circle. Ever had a 20 year old African American woman harass you as you tried to order your hot dog and fries. That's what this place was all about. The dogs were great. The women were a riot.

Outside the Wiener Circle I once called a police officer a "Beef Stand." He was surprisingly insulted. He actually took the slur to heart, and I felt really bad. I didn't think he could hear me make a joke at the expense of his massive, protuding stomach. I thought it was a creative insult. However, I have no recollection of this happening. My friend Hassan refreshed my memory.

BTW, the Wiener Circle was right across the street from a McDonald's. Once, Hassan and I went there after grabbing our dogs so that I could get a Shamrock shake. I really loved those things, and they only offer them around St. Patrick's Day. When we were leaving, I somehow struck up a conversation with this unique man. He wore thick rimmed glasses that seemed massively oversized for his tiny frame. He said he drank large shakes every day because he needed to gain weight. That he spent his time in a hot, heavy professional mascot suit all day didn't help him in his endeavor.

Hassan said, "You somehow find a way to talk to the most worthless people." The politically incorrect button went off in my head, and especially so because Hassan had been Youth Socialist Party Secretary of an entire continent (ah, our indiscriminate youth). However, that wasn't as bad as the time I was sitting in the passenger side of his car talking to this half-Lebanese, half-Yemeni homosexual guy. I was always the politician, being nice to everyone and listening to what everyone said. Right in front of the guy, Hassan said, "Why the hell do you talk to these idiots?" The guy never talked to me again.

But who the hell eats dinner at 5:30pm?

Sometimes Nothing Can Console

2006-01-20T05:17:00.004-08:00

Sometimes you need to let the rain soak your coatless body while wishing you were capable of crying because you know that would make you feel slightly better.

Sometimes the self-disgust of your superego is the only dignity you have left.

Sometimes the anger that constrains you and screams in your ears is the only thing that gives the meekest sense of strength that keeps your heart from shattering apart.

Sometimes solitude is the only thing left.

Snarkiness

2006-01-20T05:17:00.001-08:00

I've recently been made aware that this blog is angry and aloof.
I believe the word to describe this is SNARKY.

I'm not really that angry, but when no one else is saying things that need to be said, I feel that the onus is upon me to say them. It's a common syndrome in Lebanon. No one has it worse than Walid Jumblatt. I'm just emulating the Dear Leader.

Similarities between Eastern Europe and Lebanon

2006-01-20T05:17:00.000-08:00

A few years back I had the market cornered in impressions of sleazy Eastern European and Central Asian drug dealers, arms smugglers, money launderers, and generally corrupt people.

Any time anyone needed someone meeting that description, I'd get a call. I played my schtick at Social Science conventions and UN conferences. Sometimes the impersonations were way over the top, but at other times people actually believed I was who I was impersonating.

Sometimes I calmed the camp to provide a cogent thesis from an unusual perspective for conference attendees. Many in the audience during one performance actually believed I was a Russian arms dealer peddling landmines to third world governments. The arguments I provided even convinced me about the necessity of landmines in certain situations given specific parameters.

At other times, my performances were so outrageous as to be obviously comedic. I'd walk in wearing Armani shades, a fur-trimmed leather jacket covering my Adidas jumpsuit, buxom babes on each arm, and a coterie of armed bodyguards. There was always a thesis, but much of the "talk" was about "me," my lifestyle, what I liked, and how that committee could never get me to stop selling drugs.

People would often ask how I could portray these guys so well. I had no idea, until today...

Sleazy Eastern Europeans and Central Asians are a lot like Lebanese. One of my sleazier talks had a part that went something like this (imagine a Russian accent):

I drive Mercedes. I deserve respect.

I'm not talking about cheap C-Class or Komprrrrrressor. SSSSSSS-Classssss.

Not only that. All four of my bodyguards drive S-Class.

We are not talking average, off the lot S-Class. We are talking fully customized:
Sleak black.
Bullett-proof.
Vanity plate.
Chrome bumper.
Polished hubcaps.
Smoooooooth Bavarian leather, not cheap Texas cowhide.

You silly bureaucrats will never accomplish as much as I have. I deeeserrrve rrrressspect.

Sound familiar? I heard the son of a parliamentarian say something like that the other day.

"You seeeeee"

2006-01-18T03:44:00.000-08:00

Any time anyone in Lebanon says this, find some way to get them to stop talking.

No matter what, "you seeeee" is followed by some weirdo thesis that is totally incorrect. Normally, the person assumes s/he knows more about the issue than you do.

For example:

"You seeeeeee, Shia people are hardworking and honest, but very stupid. They will work all day for 1,000 lira, and smile when they leave. But the work they did is not good, and they are too dumb to understand they could bargain for more. But you keep hiring them because they are so nice and don't expect much money. I know because my father has a construction firm, and we get all of our employees from the Shia part of Jbeil."

The person who says this truely believes he is explaining something grand and profound. He's so dumb he doesn't realize that he's talking to a Shia who also happens to be a university professor. Regardless, the "you seeee"-er thinks he has just made an intelligent argument that all should accept.

Don't get me started on: "You seeeee, America..."

Techie Art

2006-01-17T07:43:00.000-08:00

Does dorkbot exist in Lebanon?

If it does, I'm game.

"Founded five years ago by Douglas Repetto, the director of research at Columbia University's computer music center, dorkbot is an informal club of artists, techies and geeks who do "strange things with electricity," according to their motto. In five years, chapters of the club have sprung up in nearly 30 cities around the world, from Seattle to Rotterdam to Mumbai.

"At every New York meeting, Mr. Repetto invites three people to deliver 20- to 30- minute presentations of their work, which tends to inhabit a no-man's land between science and art. A question-and-answer session follows, which serves as an informal peer review to help presenters hone their ideas, Mr. Repetto said."

Chunky Peanut Butter

2006-01-17T07:42:00.000-08:00

This stuff rocks.

Skippy Extra Chunky is the way to go. I'm munching on it as I write this.

10 More to Know You are Just Too Hip for Lebanon

2006-01-17T05:03:00.000-08:00

11. You work out at a named gym (ie, Lifestyles or Nautilus or the Mtayleb Country Club). This makes you feel awkward because you realize there is an element of prestige (in the Lebanese way) for belonging to these institutions (ie, everyone knows you pay over $100 a month to be a member) but think that's stupid because you really just want to workout and swim with decent music and clean machines.

12. You have an iPod, but nobody knows you do because they never see it.

13. You don't talk about your last trip to Paris, the States, Montreal, or Dubai. More importantly, you don't think it's so fucking cool that you've been there. You don't hype that your cousin works in film in LA (even though she is the assistant to the 3rd deputy gaffer). You don't talk about your distant uncle's apartment in South Kensington as if it belongs to you and is actually something more than a converted maid's quarters with a leaky sink and twin bed that your entire family "gets" to use when in London so that you don't have to spend any money on a real place to stay where you don't take turns sleeping on the bed and floor.

14. You know the owners of all the places in Gemayze and have their phone numbers.

15. You've always wanted to go to the West Bekaa Country Club, but it's in the Bekaa. If you even go there, it's only to visit your family (who would never let you go to the WBCC).

16. You don't talk politics. (Yes, I know this disqualifies me. I never said I was a hipster). It's not cool. Fashionable look bad talking about it. When they do talk about it, they sound really stupid - about as stupid as someone telling you about some idiotic episode of Friends. However, they recite all the usual platitudes: "Lebanon is too sectarian," "It's so stupid they can't have their civil marriage here," "You actually take that guy seriously."

17. You have no problem taking public transport, especially because everyone else completely fluent in more than one language looks down on it.

18. You don't have your own theory about practically everything because you know that it makes you look like your weird, insane, goofy, and like so many other insane Lebanese.

19. You don't think anyone with a Master's from MIT is better than everyone else. You know that a Master's is a pay-to-play degree, and even the dumbest kid from AUST can get a Master's in Goverment from Harvard, Oxford, or the Sorbonne. At worst, it will be from GW or Warwick.

20. You talk about Lebanese as if you're not one of 'em. They're this group of sectarian troglodytes who foam at the mouth about politics, get plastic surgery, think they're fashionable, and are insanely arrogant. You THINK you reasonably think that there are differences between the sects, have sane politics, are fashionable, and are arrogant because you truly are better than everyone else.

Top Ten Ways to Know Your Too Much of a Lebanese Hipster

2006-01-17T04:12:00.000-08:00

1. You stopped going to Monnot a long time ago.

2. You think the new restaurants opening on Damascus St. (right next to Monnot, below Sodeco) are nifty, but tragically uncool for their lack of subtlety.

3. You attended at least three films during the European Film Festival and constantly complain that none of the films you want to watch will ever make it to Lebanon.

4. You've been to the Sfeir-Semlar Gallery plenty of times and think it's cool that Lebanon now has it, but it just doesn't do that much for you. That Bernard Khoury has his offices in the same building puts it over the top as "too Lebanese": pretentious without warranting the pretention, having to group everything of similar taste together, thinking you and the people you're grouped with are so amazing that you define the entire community for the whole country, thinking you are hip and up-to-date when everything you talk about and all of the things you promote were hip and up-to-date 15 to 20 years ago in Munich, Manchester, and Portland.

5. You've thought about going to Acid and UV, but know you can't because you know too many people and are afraid everyone will spread around that you're gay. That lots of people already suspect you're gay (even though you so clearly aren't) factors into this decision.

6. People suspect you of being a "player" and getting lots of action, but you spend way too much time on the internet and musing about culture and magazine articles for that to be even remotely true. You know that the only true lotharios are the Daily Star copy editors with the British accents, perfectly disheveled hair, and defined biceps who appear in advertising campaigns and spend their days and nights constantly on the prowl.

7. You thought Ahmad Hosseini was a pioneer (because Basement and Sociale used to rock), but now think he's lost his taste and are worried he's gone the way of the sleazy Lebanese restaurant/club owner who prefers to serve shitty drinks in a tasteless place only looking to profit instead of trying to create an "environment."

8. You get pissed off when Virgin runs out of copies of the Economist, the New Yorker (which they only recently started to carry), and Wired. Simultaneously, you're worried that people will think you are pathetic for not reading some arcane magazine that only 12 people know about, but you then become depressed because you realize that only, like, 12 people in Lebanon know about and have read all three of those magazines ever. Simultaneously, you're worried that someone you know will see you in Virgin and you'll be all embarassed for being there because you know it is so uncool, corporate, and Top 40, but you still like it. You also think Sir Richard Branson kicks ass, but are afraid to admit it because he's getting a chav reputation.

9. You're tuned into the internet. You don't necessarily blog, but you know a bunch of people who do and can talk about the subject intelligently.

10. You WORK. You're not one of the 30+ year old guys still living off of your parents without supplementing anything (but you're still taking in the "subsidies"). You don't "run" Dad's company. You aren't director of marketing at your uncle's company with zero years of experience anywhere else. You aren't getting your MBA.

Hip In Lebanon

2006-01-17T04:04:00.000-08:00

Gawker has a hipster quiz. I failed miserably.

There's no way to score high if you aren't in New York. And they claim they don't navel gaze.

However, the description of an unabashed hipster kind of surprised me given how well it defined me:

"You are an UNABASHED HIPSTER. Odds are you can’t even concentrate on this because the Bloc Party remix CD is playing through your Mac so loud. And you’re proud of it! You work in music/media/art/fashion/promotion, but the day job doesn’t stop you from going out 4-5 nights a week. You won’t touch it unless it’s an open bar. Either you’re a DJ or you’re in a band. Several of your shirts have no sleeves. For the most part, you’ve stopped eating."

There really aren't many open bars here, but I did give up eating for a month or so and do go a certain number of days a week without food. Given that I eat like I'm attending a Roman Bacchanal (minus the vomitoria - that's the reason for not eating) throughout the rest of the week is beside the point.